by Adam Jones

I have been assigned to watch the shrimp pot boil. Decent duty, it comes with cold Dos Equis and the SEC title game on a 13-inch television dragged out to the backyard. These old tube sets have terrific pictures; I begin to wonder if they will become the historical equivalent of the vinyl LP. The shrimp boil is locked in culinary combat with a rack of pork ribs on the smoker behind it. There are beer brats on deck. I feel like I am walking through the International Food Pavilion at the State Fair of Texas (all that's missing is six-dollar beer in plastic cups). On this Saturday I consumed, in rough order: Texas caviar, guacamole, red tomatillo hot sauce, hot pepper dip, shrimp, corn-on the-cob, potatoes, pork ribs, a perfectly cooked hot dog (took a bite from my four-year-old's leftovers-father's prerogative you know), potato salad, a second set of pork ribs and two chocolate brownies. That's just a mess. A wonderful, over-the-top, tasty, uplifting, satisfying, happy, delightful, delicious...

Mess.

Pittsburgh 13, West Virginia 9

For my money, this was the biggest shocker of them all. More unlikely than even Appalachian State over Michigan or Stanford over USC, West Virginia was a fully-formed championship-caliber football team firing effortlessly on all cylinders. Just last week they hung 66 points on a fairly respectable UConn squad. But even before the sublime Pat White went out with a thumb injury (he would later return) the Mountaineers were missing something all night. Give Pitt credit, they took advantage of the opportunities given-and WVU gave them plenty. Now White and his mates are on the outside looking in.

Speaking of my money, I am glad I put none of it on the Missouri Tigers. I noted in this space my opinion that the Tigers would win the re-match with Oklahoma. You may now file that one in the pile with my predictions that Terence Trent D'Arby was the future of rock-and-roll and that Paul Tsongas would one day be president. After an entertaining first half, Oklahoma bludgeoned Mizzou in the second, dominating in the run game with the efficiency of a mallet on raw meat.

LSU withstood a strong Tennessee challenge, turning the game on a Jonathan Zenon (he should spell it "Xenon" if he really wants to make a splash in life) interception return and coasting home 21-14 to win the SEC title. Les Miles was so happy he decided to stay in Baton Rouge, which means Michigan needs to continue their coach search (Were they really going to hire crazy Les Miles anyway?).

Virginia Tech and Boston College played a great game in the early slot. The teams were locked 16-16 when Sean Glennon-who may well be the nation's most improved player-hit Eddie Royal on a perfect pass to give Va Tech a 23-16 advantage. The Hokie linebackers did the rest, with Vince Hall ending one BC threat with an clutch interception and then Xavier Adibi icing the cake with a celebratory pick six to make it 30-16. Virginia Tech has overcome much to be the ACC champ. Enjoy the Orange Bowl.

Central Florida drilled Tulsa by about the same score they had beaten them during the regular season. The final in this one was 44-25 and the result secured UCF the Conference USA championship. What's really interesting is that Golden Knight (that's UCF before you go looking it up in the BIG BOOK OF COLLEGE MASCOTS) tailback Kevin Smith ran for 284 yards, giving him over 2400 for the year. That would be second all-time, behind only Barry Sanders, for a single-season. For this, Smith is not among the finalists for the Doak Walker Award. Look, I don't care if you are up against tackling dummies, 2400 yards is 2400 yards.

USC's defense played cat to UCLA's ball of yarn, calmly and cruelly thrashing the Bruins in a 24-7 win. All the Trojans had to do this year to play for another BCS title was to beat Stanford at home. Now that's quite a historical footnote.

Arizona slugged it out with Arizona State but couldn't quite close the deal. The Sun Devils held off the rival Wildcats 20-17 to wrap up a 10-2 season.

Navy made it six straight over Army with a 38-7 win. Navy's Paul Johnson may not be the best football coach in the country, but the list ahead of him is not very long. The Middies are 8-4 this year, which is the fifth time in a row that they have finished a season with eight wins. Navy, in case you were wondering, is a service academy.

Please tell me that two intelligent parents did not name their child Justin Roper. And if they did, wouldn't such children come in pairs?

Roper, who will have some serious product placement opportunities if his career pans out, is the six-foot six-inch 200-pound (allegedly) fourth-string QB for the Oregon Ducks. Despite being built like comic actor Ryan Stiles, Roper acquitted himself pretty well for the Ducks with Dennis Dixon cheering madly from the sideline. But it was not to be, Oregon State won this year's version of the Civil War behind quarterback Red Wing Workboot. Kidding, actually Tony Lama quarterbacks the Beavers (Cosimo Lucchese is the back-up), who finish at 8-4 with a 38-31 overtime win.

This just in, Central Michigan wins the MAC with a 35-10 win over Miami (Ohio). Printing that will save me a deluge of e-mail from the thousands of Central Michigan fans (they're everywhere) who read JTT every week.

Brigham Young quietly completed an outstanding 10-2 season with a 48-27 win over San Diego State. I should have written more about the Cougars during the course of the year; they proved to be the class of Mountain West.

Much further west, Hawaii capped an undefeated season by coming back on Washington. The Warriors were down 14-0 quickly and down 28-7 midway through the second before starting the comeback, which required two fourth-quarter touchdowns from Colt Brennan. Brennan was an eye-opening 42 of 50 for 442 yards and five TDs. Maybe Washington is no great shakes, but these are at least Pac Ten athletes on defense. Hawaii won't be an easy out for Georgia in the Sugar Bowl.

Cal lost the big game to Stanford, 20-13. I can't remember a worse slide from a major power than Cal's. Remember when the Golden Bears were ranked number two? I don't either.

No one in the Big Ten played. I don't know why this irritates me so much, but it does. It's poor (and by "poor" I mean stupid) decision making for the Big Ten Conference to basically cede the playing field to their competitors for the last two weeks of the season. Tradition be damned, play Ohio State v. Michigan in December in the unforgiving elements. That's entertainment.

If any of you are still reading, I do believe that Tim Tebow is the outstanding player of the year in college football. He can also kill a yak from 200 yards away using mind bullets. That's telekinesis, Kyle.  

Impressive Showing of the Week: Pittsburgh, in the most unlikely upset of the year-that's saying something.

Do I really have to produce a top ten when we are left to argue about two-loss teams? If so, here is how it plays out. Remember, this is current performance, not resume. Enraged Cajuns can e-mail me at jonestopten@sbcglobal.net.

1. USC: I am going to hate myself for this, but I think the Trojans are the best team in the country. Ugh.

2. Georgia: Crazy, huh? But I think they would beat LSU.

3. Ohio State: I think Ohio State will beat LSU.

4. Oklahoma: OU could beat any of the above three.

5. LSU: Guess what? LSU could beat any of the above four. What does this exercise prove at this point?

This year is so screwed up even a four-team playoff wouldn't fix it.

You may select your own six through ten. Might I suggest a dart board?

Stay tuned for the Jones Top Ten Bowl Preview, the best mid-December work break to be found. Print it out, put it in a folder and find a quiet corner at your next boring meeting. Coming soon...

Copyright 2007 Adam Jones

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