by Adam Jones

I can't believe I just paid five dollars to hear a pair of strolling guitarists play an only reasonably in-tune version of "La Cucaracha." My grandfather, actually both grandfathers, would be horrified by this. But what choice did I have? The lead singer asked the table if we wanted a song. We said we did and then, under his breath and somewhat apologetically, he leaned over, shielded Erin away with his guitar (always keep the wife out of any monetary negotiations, this is why she buys all the cars in the Jones family...long story) and said to me with eyebrows raised and fingers outstretched (so I could count them, I suppose): "It's five." I nodded and told him to continue being in no position to bargain since the four and the two were already bouncing in their seats and clapping. We were damn well going to hear "La Cucaracha." Disappointing, really. Where were the soaring harmonies? The precision fretwork on the Spanish guitar? They didn't even bring a bajo sexto with them; quite frankly, I've heard livestock auctioneers with better range.

Nevertheless, the last chords were strummed and all that remained was the bakery counter. The Jones family experience at Mi Tierra would soon be complete. Mi Tierra sits historically at the edge of downtown San Antonio, in the Market Place, been there since 1941. The best Mexican food in San Antonio is not found here. However, in terms of total revenues and a place where children will be entertained (and adults, the Negro Modelo was ice cold) it ranks in the top three. The best part about it is the panaderia, a Mexican bakery fronted by a glass counter roughly a quarter-mile long. And it was here that I told Ben and Charlie they could have whatever they wanted. That, my friends, is a father's prerogative. They raced out of the place with sugar-laced baked goods as big as their heads, covering up with both hands so that they wouldn't fumble.

Only one description in the compendium of literary clichés does this scene justice:

Like a kid in a candy store.

Boston College 14, Virginia Tech 10

Ohio State 37, Penn State 17

Arizona State 31, California 20

Kansas 19, Texas A&M 11

Four majors undefeated and all four played legitimate opponents, surely someone was going down. Nope. When someone figures out this season, please e-mail.

The most interesting aspect of the Kansas game was that Mark Mangino wore a velour warm-up set with a zippered top. I am guessing that if the coaching gig doesn't pan out he can probably find work as a stage curtain for a traveling Gilbert and Sullivan show. Other than that, Kansas broke a 0-0 halftime deadlock to go up 19-0 in the second-half largely because Kansas is a better all-around football team than A&M, which is not what the Aggies expected when they hired Dennis Franchione.

Asinine quote alert: Texas A&M defensive end Michael Bennett, "I'm not impressed, I promise when we meet them in the Big 12 championship, we're going to win the game."

Arizona State should have thrown in the towel three weeks ago according to my official "Michigan State Spartan Foldo-chronometer." Yet the Sun Devils keep winning, this time against a Cal team that is close to free fall after nearly dragging themselves to the top of the summit a few weeks ago. ASU came back from a 20-7 deficit behind QB Rudy Carpenter and an underappreciated tailback named Dmitri Nance-I thought I would name some of ASU's players since no one actually watches them play-to close out the Golden Bears in typical ASU second-half fashion.

Ohio State dominated Penn State on both lines of scrimmage in a game that shouldn't have been this easy. The Buckeyes defense is great, but OSU is also getting very solid play from quarterback Todd Boeckman, who was an unknown when the season started and may now be the conference's best QB. I'm apologizing less and less for my belief that the Buckeyes are the best team in the country.

As for Boston College? Well, the game went along just as I suspected. Virginia Tech dominated on defense and had a comfortable 10-0 lead with just over two minutes to play. Then Matt Ryan channeled his inner Doug Flutie and, voila, touchdown pass, recovered onsides kick, touchdown pass and there you have it. Oh, the Red Sox won that night, too.

I learned this week during my trip to the San Antonio Zoo that Komodo Dragons are born with the ability to climb trees, but they lose this ability as adults. Why is this important? Well, apparently the adult Komodo Dragon likes nothing better than to turn little darling into a happy hour appetizer after giving birth, which seems to defeat the evolutionary purpose. If Darling is smart, she flees up the nearest tree to live out a life of adventure and romance that, with any luck at all, leads her to then eat her own children.

Which brings me to the SEC.

Once again proving that the SEC could screw up a slate of BCS Bowl bids like Alberto Gonzales could screw up a debating competition with a mime, the Mississippi State Bulldogs, who used to be a terrible football team, went to Lexington and beat the Bluegrass bejabbers out of the Kentucky Wildcats, 31-14.

It gets better. Not to be outdone, the Georgia Bulldogs whipped Florida on both sides of the ball in the most outrageous Cocktail Party ever (and Steve Spurrier wasn't even a part of it). Georgia coach Mark Richt demanded his team draw an intentional excessive celebration penalty on the Dawgs first touchdown, which could have easily caused a bench-clearing brawl as the Georgia players flooded the end-zone.

Mark Richt? This is akin to Mister Rogers starting a race riot in Detroit.

Georgia 42, Florida 30

Need help figuring out the SEC? Easy, remove LSU. Now, every team that is left is 5-3 overall and either 3-2 or 2-3 in conference. Except Ole Miss, who sucks (and proved it by losing 17-3 to Auburn).

Tennessee took a 21-point lead over South Carolina and then apparently forgot to come out for the second-half. Somehow, the Fulmer-coached Volunteers prevailed in overtime, 27-24.

Oregon defended their Autzen turf with a little defense for a change, putting away USC 24-17 behind terrific game-management by Dennis Dixon and a pair of timely interceptions by Matthew Harper, the second one at the Duck 16 as time was running out. Dixon would get my Heisman vote, if anyone bothered to give me one this week.

After Rutgers took down South Florida last week, I expected the Knights to have a resurgence and give a tough game to visiting West Virginia on Saturday. Uh...no. The Mountaineers clobbered Rutgers and made it look easy-Pat White makes almost everything look easy. 34-3, WVU.

South Florida, bouncing back from their loss to Rutgers, promptly loss to UConn, 22-15. The Huskies, believe it or not, are 7-1 overall and undefeated in Big East play.

Virginia apparently could not handle the prosperity of the top 25 and stubbed their collective toe against NC State, who may be the worst team in the ACC. Yes, that includes Duke.

LSU did not play and, as such, required no brilliant strategic decisions from Les Miles this weekend.

Washington, with a 48-41 loss to bottom-dwelling Arizona, may now stake their claim to being the best 2-6 team in the nation. After awhile it sort of loses its luster, doesn't it?

We thought Butch Davis had Nawth Klina back on track. Wake disagrees. 37-10, Deacs.

Mizzou beat Iowa State, 42-28, and lost their best defender, Pig Brown, in the process. His replacement, according to the paper, will be Justin Garrett. There's no way in hell that anyone named Justin Garrett can be a better race car driver, pool hustler, barbecue chef, trauma surgeon, criminal defense attorney or football player than someone named Pig Brown.

Would someone please tell me when Chad Henne is injured and when he is healthy? There should be some sort of public service. Not that it matters, my 76-year old father could complete passes to Mario Manningham. Michigan 34, Minnesota 10.

Texas played pretty forgettable football for three quarters before remembering that the Nebraska defense couldn't stop Red Grange from running the football-and Grange has been dead for sixteen years. The Horns win it 28-25 behind 216 fourth-quarter rushing yards by Jamaal Charles. His day really wasn't all that impressive if you take away the 86-yard run...and the 40-yard run...and the 25-yard run...

Impressive Showing of the Week: Mississippi State

1. Ohio State

2. LSU

3. Oregon

4. West Virginia

5. Boston College

6. Insert Random SEC Team Here

7. Oklahoma

8. Arizona State

9. Mark Mangino's Tailor

10. Georgia

11. Michigan?

Next week in the land of bitterness and recriminations: LSU at Alabama

Copyright 2007 Adam Jones

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