by Adam Jones

Well. That was interesting. What do you call a week where everyone loses? Even the teams that didn't lose looked a little, well, loser-ish.

My grandfather used to say that experience is what you think you've had, then you get some more. As much as I would like to think that I have had all the experience I need at this point, my guess is that this season is just getting started in the whacky category. There are too many good football players in our nation and apparently they don't have near enough college programs to guarantee them playing time.

Last week, I separated out the top five teams in college football. The rest were pretenders, unfit to occupy the rarified air of Bushwood, and they never slice, either. Let's have a rundown, shall we?

West Virginia started the weekend by dropping a comedy of errors to South Florida on Friday night, 21-13. Six first-quarter turnovers and Pat White goes out with an injury-that's great television.

Oklahoma raced to a 24-7 lead over Colorado and decided from that point forward that they never met a pass they couldn't drop. The Buffs take ‘em out 27-24 on a last-second field goal.

Florida torched Auburn in the Swamp, just like they were supposed to. Oh wait, no they didn't. Actually Tommy Tuberville remembered how to coach really fast defenders to knock the fancy pants Urbanites around the football field for sixty minutes. Auburn 20, Florida 17 on a Wes Byrum field goal as time expired.

Texas simply isn't very good. There, I said it. Kansas State, on the other hand, is not bad at all: 41-21 Wildcats.

EDITOR'S NOTE: My column is a day late because I was cranky and chose to pout on Sunday night instead of write. Those of you who suggest that the Texas loss had something to do with this are mistaken. After all, this column existed during the Mackovic administration, when it required real commitment.

Rutgers, who really isn't one of the best ten teams in the nation, lost to Maryland 34-24. The Terrapins dominated the fourth quarter.

Clemson's annual collapse came right on schedule with a 13-3 washout at the hands of Georgia Tech. Chan Gailey over Tommy Bowden, quick, someone call the Hall of Fame.

The best two teams in the nation were also miserable. USC overcame 16 penalties and finally put away Washington 27-24 after recovering an onsides kick. U-Dub blocked a punt to get them in position to win but couldn't quite close on the Trojans.

Because of the close loss, USC gave up the number one spot in the AP to LSU, who gained first-place votes with a 34-9 whipping of Tulane...and if you believe that you probably also think Les Miles and Mike Gundy are charming dinner company. Truth is, the AP voters apparently didn't watch the LSU game (I know, you're shocked), since the Tigers put the "lack" in lackadaisical. Tulane led 9-7 late in the first half and generally embarrassed the Tigers for almost three full quarters before their Louisiana cousins woke up and smelled the chickory.

Oregon lost to Cal in a procedure more painful than root canal performed by an amateur archaeologist. The Ducks fumbled a last second game-tying touchdown out of the back of the end-zone. Ugh. 31-24 Bears, who gained the most of any team in the nation by simply remaining upright.

The carnage didn't end there. Illinois, behind the most exciting freshman I have seen all season, a jet-powered man child named Aurrelious "Rejus" Benn, took down Penn State (did I really pick them to win the Big Ten?) 27-20.

Alabama couldn't quite get over the hump and dropped a 21-14 game to Papa Bowden and FSU in Jacksonville.

Wisconsin somehow survived Michigan State in a shootout, 37-34.

Boston College thoroughly underimpressed in a 24-14 win over UMass. Although they did win, didn't they?

What's left? A trio of pretty good, but perhaps not great, SEC teams won easily: Georgia, South Carolina and Kentucky were winners, Mississippi (Ole and State versions) and Florida Atlantic were the losers.

Arizona State blitzed Stanford. Ohio State crushed Minnesota and Cincinnati, in their first ranked outing in quite some time, took out San Diego State.

All that and you can now get pretty reasonably-priced Texas vs. Oklahoma tickets.

Time to mail this one in, boys and girls.

Impressive Showing of the Week: Colorado, because their win over OU surprised me the most.

1. LSU

2. USC

3. South Florida

4. Ohio State

5. California

6. Oklahoma and Florida

7. William and Mary

8. Tony Orlando and Dawn

9. Kentucky

10. Marquette

11. A whole bunch of teams hoping like hell they don't get slotted in the Continental Tire Bowl

Copyright 2007 Adam Jones

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