by Adam Jones

Continuing the home improvement theme on Jones Top Ten, I now need advice on removing glass shards from hardwood floors. It all started with our new Boxer, Mae, which will eventually lead to me to asking for advice on obedience training in a future column, but I digress (just like the Auburn Tigers, oh wait, that's regress...). Ben and Charlie, ages four and two, respectively, were waging fierce living room combat over whose turn it was to throw the rubber chew toy to Mae. The chew toy, which weighs about three pounds and resembles some molded industrial plumbing part, is not really an inside toy. Of course the males of our species are not born with the genetic ability to differentiate the concept "inside toy/outside toy." Charlie really really wanted a turn (it might have actually been up to three "reallys"-I do not know). After asking Ben to honor his brother's request, I had a gratifying fatherly moment when Ben complied and turned over the toy. Charlie then turned around and threw the toy not to Mae, but instead to me. It was a perfect spiral that hit me right in the hands. Well, my right hand anyway. The one that was holding a glass full of red wine.

Another spectacular explosion, this one rivaling last season's egg nog incident, left me with a new appreciation for vodka tonics in plastic Solo cups. And reminded me of the old axiom: be careful what you wish for.

USC 49, Nebraska 31

Nebraska wanted this one. The Cornhuskers needed a signature win to prove they were back. Sam Keller needed to exorcise an attic full of personal ghosts. Bill Callahan certainly had regrets about last year's conservative game plan against the Trojans, for which he was rightly criticized. The Nebraska fan base, perhaps the most loyal in the nation, deserved to know they were on the way back to the top.

All of these desires were legitimate and burningly sincere, but none were fulfilled on a day when the USC Trojans decided to prove to the world just how dominant they are, especially in the trenches where the Cornhuskers were repeatedly mauled by a USC running game that piled up 313 yards on the ground. This running attack was behind a true freshman center named Kristofer O'Dowd. How good do you have to be to start on the offensive line for USC as a fish? By the way, this game was not close. Nebraska played well early, but the Huskers were down 21-10 at the half and then down 42-10 to start the fourth. The rest of the contest was stat time.

Another domination story should have everyone's attention today. Florida ran away-literally-from Tennessee in the Swamp, 59-20. Imagine Urban Meyer's undefeated 2004 Utah squad with Alex Smith. Now upgrade the talent level at every position (yes, including quarterback). That's Florida. My opinion is only tempered by trying to assess how good Tennessee actually is and by worrying somewhat about occasional lapses on defense, but the offense may be the nation's best. It is certainly the most entertaining.

From my perspective, there are four elite teams in the nation and I believe some combination of them will play for the national title. Other than Florida and Southern Cal, Oklahoma and LSU comprise the other half of the quartet. These two beat Middle Central Tennessee Utah State 98-3 with little interesting to report. Oh, except for the fact that LSU's back-up QB Ryan Perrilloux went 20-25 for 298 and three TDs in relief of an injured Matt Flynn. The rich get richer.

The best two games of the day were played down south (what else is new?). Alabama beat Arkansas in dramatic fashion as John Parker Wilson, one of the original signers of the Declaration of Independence, hit Matt Caddell with eight seconds left to rise the Tide 41-38 over Arkansas. True to form, Houston Nutt had a half-wit moment, failing to run out the clock when he had the chance (uh, Houston, see number five? How about getting him the ball when trying to kill the clock, just turn around and hand it to him, better yet, let him play quarterback...). Darren McFadden ran for a ho-hum 195 yards on 33 carries. He's the best player in college football and should win the Heisman if Nutt doesn't screw it up.

Kentucky, led by their underappreciated QB Andre Woodson and no doubt after a week of watching tapes of Middle Tennessee State, exposed Louisville's defense. Woodson's 57-yard game-winner to Steve Johnson was a thing of beauty. Louisville's last gasp Hail Mary caromed into the hands of their fine receiver Harry Douglas, who was contained by the Kentucky secondary and tackled short of the goal line. Quite a finish. For once, the Bluegrass state has no need to wait for basketball season. Blue 40, Red 34.

Rutgers beat Norfolk State 59-0. A completely meaningless result, except that it reminds me of the old Nipsey Russell routine:

"We are the girls from Norfolk, Norfolk, Norfolk."

"We don't drink and we don't smoke, Norfolk, Norfolk"

Nipsey Russell has been dead for two years now and American comedy is much the worse for it.

For those of you who thought South Florida over Auburn was indeed an upset last week, I give you: Mississippi State 19, Auburn 14. Yes, at Jordan-Hare. Ugly.

For those of you who thought things would be different for UCLA this year, I give you: Utah 44, UCLA 6. The Bruins can be counted on for at least one spectacular crash each year. I am just wondering if Michigan State and Arizona State will join them, as tradition dictates.

In the most hyped game between two winless teams in college football history (hey, I could write for ESPN), Michigan throttled the Golden Domers 38-zip. Notre Dame is truly atrocious. I was willing to give them a break largely because of Tyrone Willingham's indifferent recruiting classes during the end of his tenure, but even so, how could the Irish be this bad?

Speaking of Tyrone Willingham, he is making steady progress at Washington. The Huskies went into the locker room with a 7-3 lead over Ohio State. However, they came back out of the locker room to watch everything come apart at the seams in the second half, including two crucial picks by State's James Laurinaitis-I keep reading and hearing from football types about how overrated Laurinaitis is, but every time I watch a game on television he seems to do nothing but make big plays. It was one mistake after another for UW and Ohio State capitalized for a 33-14 cruise home. Despite the outcome, Washington's freshman QB Jake Locker is the absolute real deal.

Boston College played a very complete game and the Eagles were dominant on run defense knocking off Georgia Tech, 24-10. BC's Brandon Robinson made the play of the day with an incredible Willie Mays over the head catch on a 39-yard TD from Matt Ryan.

What of Texas? The Longhorns shook off a tremendously spirited Central Florida squad 35-32. On the one hand, Texas should never have been in that position, nursing a 35-24 lead and running the football before a crucial fumble. On the other hand, the Horns have yet to play a complete game and, really, didn't look THAT much better than CFU. Longhorns, one of the nation's best ten? Not from where I sit.

By the way, I rarely use this space to air personal gripes, but Mack Brown made perhaps the stupidest two-point conversion decision I have ever seen in the CFU game. The guy does this a lot, as if his goal were to make Lloyd Carr look like Stephen Hawking. This one wasn't even a strategic blunder; it was a failure to do simple mathematics.

So what else happened in the top 25? Cal throttled Louisiana Tech 42-12, which was disappointing because De'Sean Jackson didn't even score. At least LaVelle Hawkins was nice enough to return the opening kickoff 90 yards.

West Virginia blew Maryland away behind yet another super fast 100-yard rusher. Putting freshman Noel Devine in the same line-up with Pat White and Steve Slaton seems almost unfair.

Wisconsin over the Citadel, but check out the score: 45-31. Come on Wisky, you have yet to impress anyone. Maybe you should play Texas next week.

Oregon destroyed Fresno State 52-21, just like Texas A&M didn't last week.

South Carolina and Clemson would have been a great game this weekend. Unfortunately the two of them were busy scrimmaging South Carolina State and Furman.

Virginia Tech over Ohio, Penn State over Buffalo, Georgia over Western Carolina, Texas A&M over Louisiana-Monroe... OK, I am officially bored now.

Two really cool things happened at the absolute dregs of the NCAA's top division.

Iowa State upset Iowa 15-13 to win the coveted Cy-Hawk Trophy, not to be confused with the Buckeye News Hawk Award. Kirk Ferentz has enjoyed the benefit of the doubt for two years running as the head man at Iowa, but yesterday he may well have lost to the worst Iowa State team of the last decade.

Speaking of worst team of the last decade, Duke somehow ended the nation's longest losing streak, snapping 22 games worth of futility with a 20-14 decision over Northwestern. Players talked smack throughout the game about their respective schools' US News and World Report rankings.

Impressive Showing of the Week:  Southern Cal

1. USC: The Trojans just racked up the most impressive road win of the young season. Nebraska really is a pretty solid football team. The game reminded me somewhat of USC's wipe out of Arkansas last year.

2. LSU: Although I have no doubt that the Trojans would have real difficulty scoring on this crew.

3. Florida and Oklahoma: My hunch on Florida from last week is correct for now; they are an elite bunch. Why are these two teams paired? Simple, both have signature home wins over very talented, but incomplete, teams. If you like Tennessee more than Miami, then take Florida. If you think Miami superior to Tennessee, then OU. I can't decide.

5. West Virginia: I just haven't seen enough either to convince me that the Mountaineers are in the top tier, nor have I seen enough to convince me the Mountaineers wouldn't lose to Oregon or Cal.

6. Oregon or Cal: While we are pairing teams, let's dispense with the notion that USC has an easy road. The mythology of the Pac Ten is just that this season. Along with the SEC, this is the nation's best conference; the Pac Ten actually has better depth than their southern cousins.

8. Ohio State: The Buckeye D completely overwhelmed Washington in the second half for a huge road win. The offense continues to improve and that puts OSU just a notch above Joe Paterno's crew.

9. Penn State: 45-24 over Buffalo masks a couple of late TDs by the losers. Nevertheless, Ohio State's win in Seattle was much more impressive. Joe Pa needs to leave his starters in to impress the voters.

10. Vacant: This is where either Texas or Wisconsin belongs, except neither deserve it. Boston College anyone?

Crazy prediction: Penn State will find themselves in real trouble at Michigan next weekend. The Nittany Lions should pull it out, but if they don't, then Michigan is going to go on a major tear right up to the Ohio State game. Don't assume the Wolverines are finished.

Copyright 2007 Adam Jones

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