by Adam Jones

Painting over it seems to be the best option when pondering red wine on your ceiling. Or I could just leave it there. For it reminds me that I have much to be thankful for. The stains are courtesy of my wife, Erin, who you all know as Mrs. Jones Top Ten. She's the kind of wife who insists I start taking a men's college football trip every fall or, when a stray ticket to a Longhorn game shows up-I am not a season-ticket holder, which I know you will all find very hard to believe, she informs me that I have to go. The accent is on "have to." She is not one who allows me an out, even when it means she stays home with our children (not that they aren't delightful, well...). A game invitation is akin to a clandestine meeting of the French Resistance during the German occupation in Paris, or at the very least evening prayer in a Trappist monastery. I have to go. It is simply part of who I am. There can be no doubt that I married the right woman and I have known this ever since she ordered a Bass Ale on our first date. I am not sure a Cosmopolitan has ever crossed her lips. Red wine is another matter, which is why she bought me a state-of-the-art corkscrew for Father's Day. It is one of those lever pull-down jobs that applies the immutable laws of physics and the general concept of the spiral to bear in accessing the fruits of the vineyard. Thank God for simple tools. When pressure is applied correctly, the cork is drawn straight out of the bottle cleanly and with little resistance. That's the upside. The downside is, on Erin's first whack at it, the pressure applied was misaligned with the contemplated task. Apply enough downward force into a wine bottle and something has to give.

In this case, the contents, the memories of which are still marked upon the kitchen ceiling.

Be it the joys of life, the love of children or fermented liquids in a tightly sealed bottle, some things simply cannot be contained.

LSU 48, Virginia Tech 7

Oklahoma 51, Miami 13

Texas 34, TCU 13

and...

Oregon 39, Michigan 7

Odd to start a piece with four routs, but it was both fitting and instructive on this weekend in college football. I expected LSU to beat Virginia Tech by a couple of touchdowns and said so in this space last week. I did not at all expect the complete domination by the Tigers in every aspect of the game. Virginia Tech-who I still believe to be a top 20, even top 15, caliber team-was never in this one.

Oklahoma raced out to 21-3 over Miami and made it look easy. Miami's offense is poor and OU completed dominated them all day. However, there is nothing wrong with the Hurricane D and the Sooners whipped it, especially in the third and early fourth when the dikes broke and OU poured it on just like the champion Sooner squads of old (well, not all that old really).

Texas is another matter. The Longhorns were horrendous in week one and spent the week listening to their fans ponder how lousy they were. Yes, I was one of those fans. TCU, a very well-coached and fine defensive squad riding a nine-game winning streak, wanted this game bad. It showed as the Horned Frogs took a 10-0 lead into half-time. For whatever reason, after six straight quarters of mediocre football, Texas finally played up to its talent level and won this one going away.  

And then there's Michigan. I hate to dull the luster from my friends at Appalachian State (assuming I had any), but last week's upset was monumental not because a I-AA team won, but because the victory came over a major power and a top ten squad. But Michigan, in 2007 anyway, is actually not a major power, nor a top ten squad. Oregon proved beyond reasonable doubt the sieve-like qualities of a Wolverine defense with the same number of playmakers on it as the number of really funny lines in a Hillary Clinton speech. But the Michigan offense also stunk up the joint, despite the presence of four legitimate (or are they?) All-American candidates. Has Lloyd Carr turned Mike Hart into Troy Davis, the poster child for consistent production on a lousy team? Say it ain't so, Bo.

Would you like to know what is not an upset? South Florida 26, Auburn 23. Yes, the Bulls beat an upper-echelon SEC team and they did it on the road. Upset, however, would imply that the result was one of a worse team beating a better one and that said result would likely not be repeated over numerous observations. USF would beat Auburn five times out of every ten, and they wouldn't have needed overtime last night had their kicker been able to walk and chew gum at the same time. Huge win for the Big East.

Steve Spurrier sure does hate Georgia. Makes me wonder if he has a picture of William Tecumseh Sherman in his office. South Carolina, oddly unranked, played solid defense and conservative, opportunistic football to frustrate the Dawgs in Athens. I can't believe that preceding sentence applies to Steve Spurrier; it's almost Tressellian. Georgia receiver Sean Bailey noted: "We didn't show up tonight." Exhibit one of why college players should talk less and play more. Yeah you did, Sean. You just had your ass handed to you by a pretty good football team.

Texas A&M was in complete control over Fresno State with a 19-0 half-time lead before the Aggies inexplicably let State off the mat. What should have been a boring punch-in-the-mouth affair-with Aggie super-sized 400-pound tailback Jovorskie Lane doing the punching-turned into a second-half shootout that wasn't over until the Aggies prevailed 47-45 in the third overtime. By the end of the game, Fresno might as well have set up crash test dummies in front of Lane instead of real defenders. The kid makes Jerome Bettis look like Calista Flockhart.

Notre Dame showed some bite against Penn State before Nittany Lion receiver Derrick Williams reminded the Irish how slow and under-talented they are on a 78-yard punt return. Penn State, even with a very uneven offensive performance, pulled away for a 31-10 win.

I'm sure advertisers are lined up around the block for Michigan-Notre Dame. Not a good week to be a ticket scalper.

Not to complain, but if a Louisville/Middle Tennessee State game is going to result in 100 combined points, I am thinking of a John Jenkins Houston Cougar 80-20 type thing. A 28-21 first QUARTER just doesn't say BCS to me. Louisville prevails 58-42.

I know that Middle Tennessee is a geographic title, but shouldn't it be "Central Tennessee State?" Middle makes it sound like the school for kids who couldn't get into Genius Tennessee State, but were too accomplished for Barely Passed Algebra Tennessee State (that's Michigan's home opener next season with, by the way).

A few very good teams nearly lost their rankings on dangerous road trips. Nebraska escaped Winston-Salem by the skin of their teeth, ending a late Wake Forest rally with an end zone interception to get on the plane 20-17 winners.

Cal should have easily put Colorado State away and did, to a certain extent, before rotating in the second-string defense with a 34-14 lead. Of course, there is a reason guys are second-string. One reason is that they tend to make stupid mistakes in pass coverage, leading teams that do not know the game is over to make life very uncomfortable. Cal eventually held off the Rams 34-28.

Wisconsin eked out one in the late fourth over UNLV, 20-13. The Badgers are no doubt counting on AP voters to abide by the "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" rule.

Hawaii came even closer to losing at Louisiana Tech, going to overtime before Tech's failed two-point conversion let the Warriors off the hook, 45-44.

So far, so good for Nick Saban. ‘Bama beats Vandy 24-10. This Terry Grant kid can play; the Tide tailback went 23 for 168 and two scores.

UCLA went up big on Brigham Young and then thwarted a late comeback (as opposed to a second coming). Bruins 27, Cougars 17.

Washington? For real? Maybe, the Huskies wipeout of Syracuse in week one doesn't count since Jim Brown and Larry Csonka, even in their 60s, can whip most of the current Orangemen. But a 24-10 win over Boise State is a different matter. The Huskies host Ohio State next week. The Buckeyes were 20-2 winners over Akron.

West Virginia, Florida and Clemson hammered three teams who did their best to hang around, but really were no threat. Marshall probably showed best, taking a half-time lead on WVU before Pat White and his boys went on a six touchdown binge in the second half.

Georgia Tech played Samford with unsurprising results.

Rutgers looked good on Friday night, taking out Navy, the best of the service academies, 41-24. Tennessee looked pretty good too, rebounding from the Cal loss with a 39-19 decision over Southern Miss.

Impressive Showing of the Week: Washington, because the South Florida/Auburn result simply did not surprise me.

1. LSU: We can all take our shots at Les Miles and assume LSU will do something incredibly stupid to lose a future football game. Or we can live in the world as it is today. In that world, LSU looks to me like the best team in the nation.

2. Oklahoma: Sam Bradford only has to be good at quarterback and so far he has been great, even if you discount North Texas. The D is superb, especially in the secondary.

3. USC: Yes, I ranked them three, basically penalizing them for not playing this week. What of it? Next week they go to Lincoln and I will have enough data to move them back. Or drop them further-Nebraska is no gimme.

4. Florida: The on-field results don't merit it; this is merely a hunch.

5. West Virginia: I've never seen a team with more guys who could turn the corner the way these Mountaineers do. I have a mental picture of J.C. Watts at home in his fishnet cut-off jersey just giggling while he watches Pat White play.

6. Not Louisville: Middle Tennessee State lost to Florida Atlantic last weekend. Then they turned around and scored 35 first-half points against Louisville. I am betting the Blue Raiders do not repeat that performance against their next opponent-LSU. Meanwhile, Louisville gets Kentucky. Now that could be interesting.

7. Penn State: The back-breaking punt return from Derrick Williams and the jillion sacks of young Clausen (Casey, Jimmy, Donny, Billy? What the hell is his name?) masked a pretty average offensive performance.

8. California: Pass defense the Achilles heel? Maybe. We will find out soon enough in the Pac Ten.

9. Texas: Quit whining and take your spot back. The defense has growing pains, but could potentially be terrific.

10. South Carolina: Winning with defense, the Steve Spurrier way.

I'm done. Just like Chad Henne's signing bonus.

Copyright 2007 Adam Jones

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