by Adam Jones 

The Knights of Columbus can flat out make a steak sandwich. The smell wafting from the KOC grill amidst the wash of bagpipes and drums honoring the Gaelic muse on a perfect late summer game day on a university quad was a sensory delight that came achingly close to converting me to Notre Dame fandom, if not Catholicism altogether. I pondered this constitutional moment of the tenuous separation of church and football before reminding myself that my lifelong disdain for the Fighting Irish was rooted in their annoying belief that this university—their university—was God’s gift to college football. Problem is, beneath the golden dome and the mosaic of Jesus indicating six for the home team, I started to believe that maybe the University of Notre Dame was God’s gift to college football. It’s hard to argue that this place isn’t exactly what the Lord had in mind on Saturdays in America. Where my heart held no place for Notre Dame before today now there resides a small kernel of admiration and even love. It should come somewhat naturally; my mother was a Killian for God’s sake. But complete conversion simply isn’t in the cards. Sanity prevailed despite the best efforts of the pipe and drum corps and the Knights of Columbus. I returned safely to my Wesleyan spiritual home and my loving allegiance to Texas (the state, the university, the football team—not necessarily in that order).

 

Putting rooting interests aside, a Saturday spent in South Bend, Indiana is one for a lifetime. It is now so embedded in my brain that this day will never be betrayed by the limitations of an aging memory. This team our nation both loves to love and loves to hate binds us all for better or for worse. We are them and they are us. We have created this culture together. At our essence, college football fans are all just folks who love our own guys. You cannot break the powerful connection between the 80-year-old retired accountant in section 21 and the 20-year-old cornerback playing before him on their hallowed field. You wouldn’t want to.

 

Not in victory.

 

And not in defeat.

 

Georgia Tech 33, Notre Dame 3

 

…but even as they put aside their disappointment and walk across to post-game mass at the Basilica of the Sacred Heart, there is always a silver lining. God is good to Notre Dame. And he certainly works in mysterious ways.

 

Appalachian State 34, Michigan 32

 

The announcement of Appalachian State’s upset brought by far the biggest roar from the Notre Dame crowd on Saturday. No love lost between the Irish and the Wolverines and the ND faithful didn’t have much to cheer on the gridiron in front of them. While it is a monstrous upset to be sure, the more I think about it the less surprised I am. I never thought Michigan was that complete of a football team and left them out of my own top ten entirely. Further, ESPN’s annoying habit of proclaiming the most recent event of the day as “the greatest upset in college football history” lacks nuance and historical perspective, which is standard operating procedure for ESPN. Over the last three years, better Wolverine squads than this have played uninspired football against overmatched opponents. Check the record: Vanderbilt, Northern Illinois and a particularly bad San Diego State squad all came to the Big House and made life miserable for the unprepared Wolverines over the last three years. Michigan’s talent won out in each case. Appalachian State, arguably better than the three teams I just listed, jumped out early and had just enough to hang on. The difference, of course, is that Appalachian State is not a Division I squad, but a I-AA team. The Mountaineers, of course, are the two-time defending national champs in I-AA, which is no solace to Michigan. Should Michigan ever lose a game to a I-AA opponent? Hell no. But Michigan was never as good as their pre-season ranking and they are also probably not as bad as this game score indicates.

 

As for Notre Dame, the general consensus seems to suggest that the Irish desperately need a quarterback. Not so. The Irish have at least one competent QB and maybe two or three. Being up close with the Irish and trusting my own lying eyes leads me to the inescapable conclusion that the Irish simply do not have enough good football players, especially along an offensive line that could no more handle Georgia Tech’s front seven than John Daly could handle a formula one race car. The Irish are neither badly-quarterbacked, nor badly-coached. They are just bad.

 

I have no idea how Texas head man Mack Brown spends his Sunday mornings. This Sunday morning should have started with a thank you note to Lloyd Carr. Michigan’s performance masked an even bigger disappointment in Austin and kept the Longhorns out of the headlines. Texas, with more talent than Michigan and playing a lesser opponent in a home pay-to-play scrimmage, was thoroughly embarrassed by an Arkansas State team with far more guts, discipline and execution than the fourth-ranked Horns. Texas prevailed 21-13 in a game that fully demonstrated the cracks in the burnt-orange armor: a lousy running game and an undisciplined and reckless defense. Upstart TCU has the game tape and Gary Patterson is salivating as I write this. Bevo is sick and needs serious veterinary attention.

 

From a pure football standpoint, the day’s two marquee games were both entertaining but largely consigned to page two because of the events in Ann Arbor. Tennessee and California traded touchdowns up to 21-21 before the Golden Bears slowly pulled away in the late second and early third en route to a 45-31win. The Volunteers had multiple troubles on defense and running the football, but showed well on the offensive side. Cal will be a tough out in Pac Ten play and proved to have one of the most spectacular players in the game. If you didn’t know him already, cue up DeSean Jackson’s 77-yard punt return; should be the first of many such highlights this season.

 

The day’s other top-shelf match-up featured Georgia’s underrated defense shutting down Oklahoma State after intermission and coasting to an easier-than-expected 35-14 win. The Bulldogs played a very solid all around game.

 

I’m not sure what to make of Virginia Tech’s 17-7 opening win over East Carolina. The performance on the field doesn’t make Frank Beamer’s A-list in the annals of Hokie football. On the other hand, the atmosphere was so incredibly emotional it would overcome anyone, much less a group of young men playing under the pressure of lifting up an entire university and maybe a nation. VT has better days ahead.

 

LSU shook off some rust early and crushed Mississippi State under the wheels of a nasty defense, 45-0. This will be a long season in Starkville; LSU played about as plain vanilla as Pat Boone. What happens when the Tigers start breaking out the blitz packages?

 

Kansas State had Auburn in their sights but let the Tigers go with a series of dumb mistakes. Auburn took advantage, played smart and relied on the supremely talented defensive end Quentin Groves to erase KSU’s upset bid, 23-13.

 

Wisconsin defended the Big Ten’s honor by solidly beating Washington State 42-21.

 

UCLA opened conference play with a 45-17 runaway over Stanford, a really poor football team.

 

Troy made things interesting for a half before losing their grip on Arkansas. The Razorbacks ran away for a 46-26 win behind Darren McFadden, who ran for 151, threw a touchdown pass, adopted an abandoned kitten, donated his right kidney to a father of three in Little Rock and rescued a small child from an orphanage fire.

 

There were a number of ugly scrimmage results outside of the meltdowns in Ann Arbor and Austin. Oklahoma and Louisville both hung 70s on North Texas and Murray State, respectively. Florida ran Western Kentucky out of the Swamp 49-3. Apparently, Western Michigan doesn’t have any players capable of tackling either Steve Slaton or Pat White, which puts them in the company of about half the teams in college football; West Virginia rolled ‘em 62-24.

 

I am not sure whether Florida International is a university or a relief organization, but I do know that Penn State is 59 points better than the Golden Panthers. Despite the great nickname, FIU may well be the worst team in Division I.

 

In other news, Ohio State, Boise State, Texas A&M, Rutgers and Nebraska all posted serviceable wins over their lessers. Weber State, Buffalo, Montana State, Nevada and Youngstown State no doubt appreciate the contributions to their athletic budgets. If you want to play a fun family after-dinner game, try and match the winners with the losers. First e-mailer to get all five correct wins a free subscription. This is the part of opening day I really hate.

 

TCU shut out Baylor 27-0. Are the Horned Frogs the best team in Texas? They certainly were on Saturday.

 

Missouri stayed on the top 25 radar screen by surviving an improved Illinois, 40-34. The Tigers led 37-13 at one point and hung on late.

 

Alabama crushed Western Carolina 52-6 in the debut of Nick Saban, who can be reached at thenextsaviorofCrimsonTidefootball@bearbryant.com.

 

Hawaii’s Colt Brennan dyed an outline of the Hawaiian Islands on the side of his head, which makes it look like someone smacked him with a wet Rorshach test. Despite the hideous coiffure, or perhaps because of it, Colt tossed five touchdowns in the first quarter, then retired to the locker room to watch re-runs of Magnum P.I. while his teammates cleaned up Northern Coors Brewery  63-6.

 

USC only beat Idaho 38-10. Fans felt cheated and Pete Carroll’s mom called post-game to remind him that Oklahoma and Louisville scored 70 points and suggest that he should have gone to law school like his brother. She expects better.

 

Boston College was surprised to find that Wake Forest is not in complete rebuilding mode. The Golden Eagles eventually prevailed over the Demon Deacons, 38-28.

 

Arizona State beat San Jose State 45-3. Typically, I wouldn’t have mentioned this game. However, this might be a sign of things to come from the Sun Devils. Has new coach Dennis  Erickson re-instilled the killer instinct that Arizona State apparently put in blind trust several years ago? Bears watching.

 

I was fully prepared to write Florida State off on Labor Day evening, as the Seminoles started their game with Clemson in a 24-3 hole and had a total of one first down in the first half. Then, oddly enough, FSU started getting better. Not a lot better, but enough to cost me about an hours worth of sleep. Curse you Bobby Bowden. Clemson 24, FSU 18.

 

Impressive Showing of the Week: Appalachian State

 

1. LSU: I am not completely jumping to conclusions based on sixty minutes of football (especially considering that Mississippi State is a special kind of bad on offense), but I generally adhere to “the neutral site tomorrow rule” when ranking teams. In other words, if they played on a neutral site tomorrow, would LSU beat Southern Cal? I think they would.

 

2. USC: OK, OK, you were never threatened. But come on, the fans are actually showing up, in Los Angeles of all places, where they have better things to do. Can’t you be dominant AND entertaining?

 

3. Louisville: This week the Cardinals again play on Thursday night, again in front of a national audience and again will host an overmatched opponent. Again Louisville will score 70, again I will be bored and again I will watch re-runs of “24” with Mrs. Jones Top Ten.

 

4. Oklahoma: I am not going to read too much into Sooner quarterback Sam Bradford’s performance against North Texas. But I will say that Bradford, who went 21-23 for 363, did at least prove that he is not an incompetent slug. As I noted last week, that is all OU really needs at QB to be very very dangerous.

 

5. West Virginia: If the West Virginia Mountaineers played the Appalachian State Mountaineers tomorrow on a neutral field, would West Virginia win? Yes.

 

6. Penn State: The Nittany Lions had a nice scrimmage this weekend. Next weekend, they should beat Notre Dame by four touchdowns, whether or not they do will be your first clue as to Penn State’s contender status.

 

7. Florida: Tim Tebow looked like a man without a care in the world on Saturday.

 

8. Wisconsin: With surprising explosion on offense, the Badgers showed the most out of the Big Ten teams on Saturday.

 

9. Virginia Tech: I don’t put much stock in the 10-point win over East Carolina. I also won’t put too much stock in what should be a two-touchdown loss at LSU next week. The Hokies are built for the long haul and I still think they are about the 9^th best team in the country.

 

10. Ohio State: The Buckeyes methodically put away Youngstown State but lost a very fine player, defensive end Lawrence Wilson, to a broken leg.

 

There are a number of teams that could claim the 11^th spot, most notably Georgia. Cal and Georgia Tech were equally impressive, as was UCLA. Texas and Michigan both have a shot at redemption next week against TCU and Oregon, respectively. Lose those and both traditional powers may be looking up at the top ten for a long time this season.

 

I have many thanks to the people of South Bend, Indiana, who were gracious and generous hosts during my pilgrimage. The Notre Dame stadium ushers are the best in college football. The crisp and smiling “Welcome to Notre Dame, sir” resonates of a bygone era of full-service Texaco stations and doing our banking in person instead of over the internets. Perhaps your football team will turn the corner at some point this season.

 

I would also like to thank Peter Bean of the excellent web site www.burntorangenation.com. No matter what the circumstance or the opponent, we have to watch our team play. Peter accommodated us this weekend by sharing the miserable Longhorn performance on satellite. What are the odds that we would Google Texas game-watching parties by blackberry from our stadium seats and find that the author of a well-read Longhorn web site is in his alternate life a Notre Dame law student?

 

Like I said, God works in mysterious ways.

 

Copyright 2007 Adam Jones