by Adam Jones

Weldon "Bird Dog" Trice is one the great football players in the history of West Texas State University. He definitely had the best nickname, earned as a fleet cornerback who could track 'em down and sniff 'em out. He was in a group of Baptist men who served my family lunch the day of my grandfather's funeral. I didn't hear anything that week other than what a fine upstanding man my grandfather was, which was appreciated, but of which I was also well aware. I lost interest in these plaudits after awhile and relied on the rote responses of the grieving to get me through the conversations. Then I talked to Mr. Trice.

Bird Dog was on the W.T. track team when my grandfather, the school's faculty representative to the NCAA, accompanied them on a road trip. They were driving through rural New Mexico and stopped for gas. The service station had no indoor plumbing, only an outhouse. Not uncommon for the place and time, but this particular facility had an interesting added feature. The proprietor of the service station was a hopeless practical joker and had wired a speaker just underneath the outhouse seat. He gathered W.T.'s finest athletes around the cash register and pulled out the microphone as my grandfather went out back to do his business. Practical jokes are all in the timing. The jokester timed this one perfectly, waiting for just the right moment to shout into the microphone:

HEY BUDDY, I'M TRYING TO PAINT DOWN HERE!

My grandfather burst out of the door. The track team burst out laughing.

It's a cruel joke indeed to suffer a shocking surprise when you're just settling in and making yourself comfortable.

Georgia 37, Auburn 15

Arizona 24, Cal 21

Kansas State 45, Texas 42

Oh, and

Rutgers 28, Louisville 25.

Tommy Tuberville can quit complaining about Auburn being cheated in the BCS and start concentrating on his offense, which finally came completely off the rails against a Georgia squad likely tired of reading how awful they are. This was the second time this season that Auburn was not even competitive playing at home against a conference opponent.

Arizona played inspired defense and continued their turnaround in the upset over Cal. Last week, the Wildcats turned the same trick against Wazzu (NOTE: The JonesTop Ten completely whiffed on that one, even though Washington State was technically a top 25 team. My apologies to Mike Stoops and my Uncle Marshall, who may be the only Arizona Wildcat fan who reads this column each week). Cal will claim home cooking and, in all fairness, some of the calls against them-including one that nullified a 79-yard Marshawn Lynch TD-did look like science fiction. Nevertheless, this one is in the books thanks to a game-winning pick six by Antoine Cason.

Texas lost Colt McCoy to injury after the first drive Saturday night and the other 21 Longhorns seemed to wait around for someone else to make a play. This included a bizarre three-minute stretch in the third when the Longhorn offense went fumble, fumble, blocked punt and Kansas State cashed in all three mistakes to stake a 42-21 lead at the expense of a Texas pass defense that has lived on the edge all season. The Horns waged a valiant comeback, but fell short. But this one wasn't all about Texas failures-Kansas State played great football and these Wildcats join the ones from Arizona as one of the nation's most improved teams since the season's inception.

As for Rutgers, the match-up with Louisville was a fair fight on paper. What's remarkable is that the Scarlet Knights roared back from a 25-7 deficit to cap one of the best games of the season. The field was a flood of delirious red fans as the Thursday night special ended. ESPN signed off under the glow of a bright red Empire State Building. Making the good people of Manhattan give a damn about college football? That may be the best story of the year.

The furious strain of Top-Tennitis Upsetis Influenza nearly laid low two others. Florida's fantastic defensive end Jarvis Moss single-handedly (literally) kept South Carolina at bay by blocking both an extra point and the potential game-winning field goal to preserve a 17-16 Gator win and Urban Meyer's sanity. You can bet Steve Spurrier might have coveted this one just a bit.

Whatever happened to Dick Tomey? He's at San Jose State where he still has the maddening habit of always believing his team can win. SJSU almost willed themselves to victory over Boise State. The Broncos needed a field goal as time expired to remain unbeaten with a 23-20 decision in Silicon Valley.

In some games, the winner wasn't a surprise, but the margin was shocking. Wake Forest went to Tallahassee and destroyed Florida State. Uhm...I'm sorry...I've been living in a cave for the last ten years...could you repeat that? Wake 30 The House of Bowden 0. That's zero as in shutout. By Wake Forest. Get it?

Arkansas, curious as to why they can't crack the top ten in the BCS, did something about it on the field, crushing Tennessee 31-14. The Razorback's Darren McFadden, ostensibly a tailback, is clearly one of the five best players in college football and perhaps more valuable to his team than is Troy Smith at Ohio State. The Heisman Trophy of course goes to the "most outstanding" player in college football, not the most valuable. Nothing in college football is clear cut; that's why we all enjoy talking about it so much. Anyway, McFadden lined up at quarterback for several snaps, which is a great way to provide him with vision of the running lanes on a draw play. Or, much to Tennessee's shock, it's a great way to let him throw a perfect strike TD pass just for the hell of it. The repeating three-year cycle of Houston Nutt-genius, half-wit, idiot, back to genius-continues.

USC blistered Oregon 35-10 in a game exactly as close as the score indicated. But aren't they all. The Trojans, by running the table, will likely finish number two in the BCS, sending SEC fans into apoplexy.

West Virginia righted the ship and whipped Cincinnati, 42-24. Cincy's run defense is quite good, which did not seem to matter much to Steve Slaton and Pat White.

Ohio State and Michigan preserved next week's battle of the titans with an 88-13 win over Northwestern Indiana. Meanwhile, Notre Dame completed the service academy trifecta with a Veteran's Day victory over Air Force, 39-17.

What if a team went 10-1 in the forest and nobody heard it? Wisconsin 24, Iowa 21.

Texas A&M continues to find humorous and heartbreaking ways to lose home games by a single point. Last week, Oklahoma. This week, Nebraska. Big Red clinches the Big 12 North, which slots them against Texas in the...oops, not quite yet. Kansas State seems to have cancelled the Longhorns' travel plans.

At this point in the college football season I have come to inescapable conclusion that the Wrangler Five Star Denim ad with all the guys going camping while B.T.O. plays "The Boys are Back in Town" is the gayest ad in the history of sports television. Not only does watching a group of male models chop wood and sit around the campfire not make me want to buy Wrangler jeans, it doesn't even make me want to continue watching football. Instead I get the urge to relax with a nicely balanced pinot grigio and watch the Tony Awards.

LSU whipped Alabama 28-14. The Tigers continue to roll along.

As does Oklahoma, the surprising Sooners are missing about half their pre-season starters on offense, including the best player in college football. It doesn't seem to matter and the defense continues to get better and better. OU 34, Texas Tech 24.

Did anyone know that Conference USA plays a championship game? Apparently Houston gets to play in it by virtue of their victory over Southern Money. You people need to tell me these things. ?

Georgia Tech clinched the Atlantic Division, or the Coastal Division, or the Seaside Division, or the Islander Division or some darn thing that sounds like a pavilion at Club Med. Anyway, Georgia Tech gets to play for the ACC title by beating Nawth Klina 7-0 in what must have been one of the worst games of the season, although I did not watch it because I am not yet completely under the spell of digital cable and TiVo. Yet.

Virginia Tech clobbered Kent State and Boston College clobbered Duke. Next week, Va Tech and B.C. play Wake and Maryland respectively to try and figure out the Coastal Division, or the Atlantic Division. Anyway, some team will play Georgia Tech in the ACC Championship.

The college football world needed a great weekend as the week started in unspeakable tragedy with the shooting death of Miami Hurricane Bryan Pata. The Hurricanes played on, losing a heartbreaker to Maryland 13-12. Far be it from me to judge, but I cannot imagine how the Hurricane players could have taken the field, much less put out the effort to make it a close ball game. My sympathies.

Impressive Showing of the Week: Arkansas

I am changing the format this week. Listed in order below are the five teams that should have a shot at playing for the national title. I think these are the only five, but you may, of course, disagree:

1. Ohio State

 

2. Michigan

 

3. Arkansas

 

4. USC

 

5. Florida

 

This was not the first week that the Florida Gators have looked a little shaky, but they did win on a Saturday when many didn't. Arkansas above USC? Madness, right? No, I just think the Razorbacks are better; it doesn't hurt that they were blown out by USC in week one without Darren McFadden on the field. The best team not on this list is LSU for my money.

Now listed are the five teams whose fans should be proudest of them. Who cares right? I do. These are the best stories in college football this season. Unfortunately, I don't think any of them could play with the above five, but in a one-shot winner-take-all, who knows?

1A. Rutgers

 

2A. Wake Forest

 

3A. Maryland

 

4A. Navy

 

5A. Kansas State

 

Enough sentimental nonsense, I must report that Bird Dog Trice's alma mater, West Texas A&M (used to be State) just won the D-II Lone Star Conference with a victory over Tarleton. I will save you the fight song for another column.

There is some sort of big game in the midwest next weekend.

Write a thank you note to all the veterans you know if work is slow tomorrow. Thanks, guys.

Copyright 2006

http://www.jonestopten.com/ is powered by Quicksilver Internet Solutions, http://www.quicksilveris.com/. They knew all along that Jarvis Moss would block that last field goal.