by Adam Jones

 

The football was just sitting in the corner of the garage. I took it with me, kind of like when the Greatest Hits of Southern Rock CD is just sitting by the counter at the gas station and you pick it up for $6.99 because, heck, when's the last time you heard "Flirtin' with Disaster" by Molly Hatchet? Anyway, I was going for a walk around the neighborhood, the weather was perfect and I needed a ball to toss.

That's right, a 39 year-old man walking around a residential neighborhood throwing a football to himself. I've decided that this will be my lifetime sport. A good friend ruptured his Achilles tendon in one of our church league basketball games two weeks ago and it gave me pause. I'm really not interested in golf and don't have a reliable tennis partner. I've always believed exercise should involve a ball of some kind, which eliminates running and swimming. So this is it: fresh air, cardiovascular benefits, hand/eye coordination and pretending I'm Limas Sweed while the puzzled neighbor at the corner of Highland Hills and Laurel Ledge wonders what the hell I am doing trying to get both feet in bounds before I hit the curb. I may even start a league.

Interested? Pete Carroll's coming over next Saturday.

Oregon State 33, USC 31

The Beavers went up 33-10 in this one before a Trojan comeback fell just short. Don't blame Steve Smith, the 'SC star caught 11 balls for 258 in one of the great performances of the season. Nevertheless, one more unbeaten goes down in Corvallis. O-State's Sammie Stroughter is the new hero of the west. His 70-yard punt return TD and 127 receiving yards answered a fundamental question in the Pac Ten, namely, "Who the hell is Sammie Stroughter?"

USC could have had company. Auburn struggled all day with a lousy Ole Miss squad. The Plainsmen prevailed 23-17, but it was nothing to write home about.

Texas had yet another adventurous night game in Lubbock. The Horns fell behind 21-0 before regrouping to shut out Texas Tech in the second half and pull out a 35-31 thriller behind this Colt McCoy kid, who apparently can play.

In the game we are no longer supposed to call the WORLD'S LARGEST OUTDOOR COCKTAIL PARTY (you may insert the joke of your choice here, but my favorite comes from the boys at EDSBS who had t-shirts printed reading "World's Largest Outdoor Coke Orgy" and I can't really top that). Florida played a great first half and then ran into a Georgia squad that flat refused to quit. Give the Gator defense credit for the win. They're one of the best units in the country, although they don't seem to get their fair share of press.

Oklahoma's defense is getting better and better, as is Paul Thompson's quarterbacking. The Sooners don't appear to be interested in throwing in the towel just because Adrian Peterson is injured. Could it also be that Missouri is showing signs of the emotional fragility associated with Gary Pinkel? Could be. Sooners 26, Tigers 10.

Oh Temple, look what you have done now. In upsetting Bowling Green, 28-14, the Cosbys ended a 20-game losing streak. Who leads the nation now? That would be your Duke Blue Devils, 45-28 losers to Vanderbilt, their 16^th loss in a row. I would insert some witticism about Vandy at this point, but I can't-the Commodores are actually a legitimate D-I football team. Duke? Well, their players do usually get into the graduate school of their choice.

My freshman of the year award goes to Juice Williams, simply on name alone. The Illinois quarterback led his guys to a 21-3 lead over Wisconsin before Wisconsin realized who they were actually playing and gutted out a 30-24 win.

Michigan plays football like a hockey team trying to kill penalty minutes. It's pretty effective actually. Wolverines 17, Northwestern 3.

Ohio State killed Michigan on the style point front by not only beating Indiana 44-zip, but also by letting Jack Nicklaus dot the "I" in the script Ohio. What's better than that?

(Check that: Ohio State beat Minnesota, not Indiana. What's the difference you ask? I don't actually know.)

Congratulations, Clemson, you were the hot team of the season for exactly five days before proving the old adage that sometimes it's just as difficult to get over a big win as it is a tough loss. The Tigers looked tired, which is not good when traveling to Blacksburg, Virginia. Branden Ore ran wild and the Hokies slapped the Tigers around but good. 24-7, Va Tech.

Nebraska proved the older adage that when you have a chance to step on an opponent's throat and don't do it, then very bad things can happen. The Huskers lost a 16-0 lead and eventually the game to Oklahoma State, 41-29. Okie State has the best collection of skill position players you have never heard of: quarterback Bobby Reid, wideout Adarius Bowman and a terrific tailback named Dantrell Savage.

The headline of the day belongs to my own local Sunday edition:

Leave it to feral hogs to upset hunter's best laid plan

 

Ain't that the truth?

Texas A&M made the big plays in a 31-21 victory over Baylor. The Aggies continue to win, going to 8-1 with the meat of the schedule to come.

Wake Forest did the same, surviving an awful Nawth Klina squad, 24-17. It took an end-zone pick to preserve the win for the Deacs.

Georgia Tech came back late to put away Miami 30-23. The Jackets found Calvin Johnson after misplacing him last week and now control their own destiny in the ACC Coastal, the worst name for a division in all of college sports.

Maryland beat Florida State and not only was it not an upset, nobody really even cares anymore.

Why are there pay-to-plays in late October? Couldn't Arkansas and Oregon have played each other instead of playing Louisiana-Monroe and Portland State? At least Boston College over Buffalo provided some entertainment. Nothing like a brisk New England chilling rainstorm to make you really feel alive. ?

Notre Dame beat Navy for like the 73^rd time in a row (43^rd, actually), eventually running away for the 38-14 decision. Navy quarterback Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada led Navy to over 200 yards rushing in the first half, when the Midshipmen kept the game relatively close. I really don't care much about that story angle, I simply like typing "Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada."

Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada

Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada

Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada

I'm sure it's entertaining for you, as well.

Tennessee closed out the nightcap with a 31-24 win over South Carolina, which required 17 fourth-quarter points and some clutch plays by Erik Ainge. But what I really want to know is why Tennessee uses black Times New Roman all caps to print the names on the back of their road uniforms. It looks like some undergrad made them at Kinko's.

And everyone else had the day off, including West Virginia and Louisville, who will entertain us in the Thursday night special.

Rutgers plays on Sunday night, but I am not waiting on them to finish the column.

Impressive Showing of the Week: Oregon State

1. Jack Nicklaus: Love the clothing line.

2. Northwestern: Oh, moral victories don't count? I see. Michigan.

3. Florida: Handing off to the wide receivers, now why doesn't Ohio State think of that? Forgetting the sometimes nutty offense, Florida may have the best collection of defensive playmakers in the nation.

4. T for Texas, T for Tennessee: Back to back, Tennessee has survived Alabama and South Carolina, two teams with a deep hatred of the Volunteers and just enough athletes to do something about it. Back to back, Texas has survived Nebraska and Texas Tech, two teams with a deep hatred of the Longhorns (though, gosh, the heck of it is, the Husker fans are just so darn nice about it...) and just enough athletes to do something about it. Both the Orange Ts are about one blue chip recruiting class better than their opponents. Texas gets a slight edge for winning at Lincoln in the snow. Tennessee looks slightly better because I find it hard to believe the Vols would give up 512 yards passing to Texas Tech.

6. West Virginia: Prime time on Thursday, let's see what you've got.

7. Arkansas: Why is it that Auburn is part of the national "best one loss" conversation and Arkansas is not?

8. California: The only way to win, Dr. Falken, is not to play at all. Great bye week for the Bears.

9. ?Auburn: But I keep wondering if this is really all the Tigers have on offense.

10. Boston College: I can't help it. It's just so funny to watch Charlie Weis whine about the mistreatment of the Irish. So I'm giving the ten spot to Notre Dame's favorite cousins. The only thing that might make Weis more upset is if someone took the last slice of pizza at a late night film session.

LSU travels to Neyland for another shot at an elusive quality win. Are Wake and Texas A&M for real? Ask me on Sunday after they host B.C. and Oklahoma.

Red Auerbach is dead at 89. And the world of sports is just a little more boring today.

Copyright 2006

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