by Adam Jones

We all remember when we gain entrance to clubs, either formally or informally. This starts when another toddler rolls a ball to you on the playground or maybe when you are baptized or when you stick your whole face in the cake at your first birthday party to celebrate America's great fascination with both excess and eating a lot of crap. The best club I ever joined welcomed me when I was five and I went to Kimbrough Memorial Stadium to watch the West Texas State Buffaloes play football. I'm still a member in good standing - and so are all of you.

We got a new member this fall. There's no telling what B will say on the way home from a Saturday morning breakfast. He often asks if the day will be a "family day," which in our house means Mom and Dad are not going to work and the whole family gets to spend time together. He follows up by asking if we are going to the park or if friends are coming over or, sometimes, he says something really profound. Like:

"Are we going home to watch College Football GameDay?"

Welcome, B, to a fascinating world of joy and heartbreak spent following the exploits of immensely competitive and talented college students bent on speed and destruction of anything in their paths. Welcome to your father becoming a stark raving lunatic when Texas loses ground by running wide on first down and goal from the two. Welcome to wondering if the television might actually explode when tuned into a rabid SEC crowd at a night game hundreds of miles away. Welcome to carrying deep within you the knowledge that just when you think you've seen about everything...

Michigan State 41, Northwestern 38

For those of you just tuning in and wondering if I have completely taken leave of my senses (not inclusive of my spouse, who thinks that regularly) for opening with a completely meaningless Big Ten Plus One contest, let me note that Northwestern led this one 38-3 in the third. Then, abetted by a blocked punt, the momentum changed faster than you can say Frank Reich and the Spartans pulled off the greatest second-half comeback in NCAA history. Yes, friends, Michigan State, the team who put the "Q" in quit, the team coached by the amazing John L. Smith, who coaches as if he desperately wished he had his old job at Louisville back, a team who collapses as dependably as Mark Mangino after running sprints with his defensive backs, a team whose potential for spectacular failure or brilliant success on any given day has been unparalleled since Evel Kneival took his last jump on a motorcycle, the team who, let's be honest, collectively has so little gumption that they might indeed kick Angelina Jolie out of bed for eating crackers, the Michigan State Spartans produced one for the ages.

Oh, but the festivities didn't end there. Half the top ten seemed to need divine intervention to keep pace in the BCS race.

How about California going to overtime against Washington when the Huskies' back-up quarterback hit the double defender carom shot on the Hail Mary that somehow ended up in the hands of U-Dub receiver Marlon Wood who stumbled across the goal line with zeroes on the clock. Cal's stud tailback Marshawn Lynch took the Bears home in overtime and then left the field in a Cushman cart-driving it, not being carried in it, even though Lynch's ankles were being held together by bailing wire and electrician's tape by the end of the game. Cal 31, Washington 24.

Perhaps you prefer Notre Dame? Flat stoned by the UCLA defense all day, the Irish pulled off a magical finish when Heisman Default Quinn hit Geddy Lee for a 45-yard touchdown through a group of Bruin defenders who had either forgotten how to tackle or were so shocked to see the bass player for Rush weaving his way through the secondary that they simply failed to react. Midwestern Values 20, Godless Los Angelenos 17.

Maybe you enjoyed Tennessee tailback Arian Foster's sleight of hand on the ?ole "mid-flight stick the ball out over the plane for the TD and bring it back in so you don't fumble" trick against Alabama for the winning score in a 16-13 Volunteer decision on a day when the Crimson Tide defense was in a particularly ugly mood. The Vols comeback was in part made possible because Tennessee QB Erik Ainge, who I can safely say reminds no one of Willie Gault, chased down 'Bama DB Simeon Castille (just the name sounds fast) to save a touchdown on an interception return.

Finally, Texas coach Mack Brown decided that with the game on the line in a driving snow at Nebraska would be a good time to trot out a third-string walk-on kicker-one of five kickers that Mack had put on the 64-man traveling squad (about like Tiger Woods playing with three putters in his bag)-to win the biggest road game of the year for the Longhorns. The kick was good and the Horn's 22-20 win stood up even against two Hail Mary attempts from Nebraska, the second one an untimed do-over play resulting from a Texas personal foul.

Four top ten teams, four upsets staring them in the face and they all emerged unscratched. And exhale, two-three-four...

Indiana jumped all over Ohio State with a ferocious opening quarter to take what might have been an insurmountable 3-0 lead. Might have been, that is, if Indiana had a single player on the roster capable of cracking the Buckeye's two-deep. Quick hint: they don't. OSU 44, Hoosiers 3.

Clemson completely ruined ESPN's Game Day atmosphere by beating Georgia Tech like tenderized steak in a 31-7 runaway that not only failed to produce one Calvin Johnson highlight, but failed to produce a catch at all for the splendid Tech receiver, frustrated all night by the Clemson D. Clemson's tailback duo of James Davis and C.J. Spiller ran for over 300 yards and caught a few passes for good measure. Both gentlemen are significantly faster than Simeon Castille.

Like a good Big Ten team, Michigan slogged and plodded (or is that slodded and plogged?) through a 20-6 win over Iowa. That's the last test for the Wolverines, on a collision course with the Buckeyes, after which the winner will wait eight months to play in the national title game.

West Virginia clobbered UConn 37-11 in the Friday special as UConn played somewhat shorthanded because head coach Randy Edsall booted half a dozen players off the team for bringing beer back to the hotel room on a road trip. Edsall obviously has no aspirations of coaching at Miami or Florida State.

Speaking of which, no I am not going to give my two cents on Miami. Call me when the 'Canes are back in the top 25 and I will comment on how they play between the stripes.

As for FSU, the Seminoles dropped yet another home game, this time to Boston College (who hold the tie-breaker over Clemson in the ACC) in an ugly 24-19 loss. Not to take anything away from BC, but this is the worst Florida State offense in over two decades.

Louisville, slow out of the gate again, finally put away Syracuse 28-13 to remain unbeaten.

Rutgers, for their part, also remained undefeated by beating Pitt 20-10. Rutgers tailback Ray Rice ran wild for 225 yards and is making a serious run at the JTT Underappreciated Player of the Year Award. By the way, although no one believes it, West Virginia or Louisville against Rutgers is not a lay-up. The Scarlet Knights are better than you think. I am going to continue to write this every week until I quit reading stories about the November 2^nd WVU/Louisville game being for the Big East title.

Wisconsin is also better than you think, although no one cares since Wisky has already lost to Michigan and doesn't play Ohio State. The Badgers whipped Purdue 24-3.

USC avoided a close call against a Pac Ten opponent by not playing this weekend.

Oregon laid in egg in Pullman, losing to Wazzu 34-23. Had to happen sometime, Washington State always upsets someone in the Palouse.

LSU ripped Fresno State 38-6. Fresno State continues to head south since last year's loss to USC and playing at LSU is no way to turn things around; the Tigers are murder in Baton Rouge.

Auburn beat Tulane in a 38-13 snoozer and Arkansas lit up a rotten Ole Miss squad 38-3; the game was over in about ten seconds as Hog tailback Felix Jonesreturned the opening kick-off 100 yards for what turned out to be the winning TD.

Oklahoma did not need Adrian Peterson to defeat Colorado, 24-3. The Sooner D really stepped up the intensity. Of course, the Buff offense is pretty inept.

Texas A&M once again won a game that they would have lost last season (make sense?) by overcoming Oklahoma State in overtime 34-33 on a blocked extra point, of all things.

Missouri clinged valiantly to their top 25 status and beat K-State 41-21.

Boise State had a devil of a time trying to shake Idaho, but remained undefeated with a 42-26 win over the Vandals. I don't mean to be a hater, but Clemson or Cal would beat Boise State like a drum. And may get a chance to, come to think of it.

Impressive Showing of the Week: Clemson

1. Ohio State: Let's watch Troy Smith throw from the pocket. Now let's watch him throw moving to his left, or moving to his right. Let's see him thrown moving backwards, how about forwards? How about while balancing a geology textbook on his head? OK, got all of that? Now how about we dispense with all the tired black quarterback comparisons; he's not Vince Young or Michael Vick or Randall Cunningham. My suggestion? Go watch some old tape of Fran Tarkenton.

2. Michigan: Northwestern/Ball State/Indiana, not exactly murderer's row on the road to Columbus. When the hell are Henne and Hart going to graduate anyway?

3. Florida: The Gators lose to Auburn, then take the week off, then return to third in the JTT. Yep, I've lost my mind. Except the Gators still have the best resume of the one-loss teams and I think they would beat West Virginia or USC if they played them tomorrow.

4. Texas: Two reasons: first, they're the only team Ohio State didn't dominate (watch the game) and the run defense is exceptional. Of course, the Texas defensive backs bite on play-action like it's warm cobbler at a country barbecue joint, but let's put that aside for now.

5. USC: I can't be any more dismissive of USC than this. After watching more Pac Ten football over the last few weeks, I have come to the conclusion that the conference is pretty damn good. I keep going back and forth on whether or not Cal could beat the Trojans.

6. West Virginia: Slowly gaining my respect, but it comes with the nagging feeling that Texas or Michigan would kill WVU in the trenches.

7. Arkansas: Let's rewind a few weeks; Arkansas didn't just beat Auburn, the Razorbacks burned the Tiger's house down and started a boll weevil infestation in the fields. Tennessee might claim this spot, and on November 11^th, the Vols can come to Fayetteville and take it.

8. Tennessee: Docking the Vols for a close win versus Alabama would underestimate just how much Alabama hates Tennessee and underestimating hatred in an SEC game is not very smart.

9. Clemson: The Tigers could be higher, but Tommy Bowden's track record doesn't suggest this team will finish the year performing at a consistently high level. However, this is clearly the best team of his tenure.

10. California: Doesn't seem fair since I had them at five last week; of course I cheated by bunching the entire SEC in one slot last week.

?The teams left out are pretty interesting. Auburn, Notre Dame, Louisville-no room at the inn for any of them and I am pretty sure that no one in the country wants to play Wisconsin just for grins either. Meanwhile, LSU just kind of lurks in the background. I've never seen a season as wide open as this.

Copyright 2006 Adam Jones

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