Written by Adam Jones
Sunday, 25 September 2005

Everybody needs a signature party. Our friends the J's offer a great one: breakfast before the Austin City Limits music festival. One of many things that make our city great, ACL Fest throws out line-ups like Steve Earle, John Prine, Robert Earl Keen and Lyle Lovett all on the same bill. One stage over, the Allman Brothers and Black Crowes compete for your attention. That's just Friday, brother. Saturday's line-up is pretty darn formidable, as well and it starts at the only party I go to each year where pancakes, bacon and sausage casserole are served with Shiner Bock and margaritas (who the hell drinks coffee anyway when the crisp fall air registers 92 at 10:30 in the morning on the way to another triple-digit afternoon; this is one of the things that definitely does not make our city great).

It's a great party. The only downside is that I don't ever go to ACL Fest. I've actually never been. My rock and roll Joneshas largely been filled over the course of the last twenty years, I have a toddler and a newbie at home, it's unbearably hot, as I mentioned and ACL, of course, falls during college football season. I leave the J's to take in a different line-up. Unfortunately this one is full of understudies - imagine going to see the Eagles and having only Glenn Frey show up to perform those wretched songs from Miami Vice. That's my college football day. Why? Let me explain.

My response to two questions shocks - or at least surprises - most of my friends. I always reply "no" when asked:

Do you have TiVo? and Do you get ESPN Game Plan?

Usually it doesn't make any difference. But Saturday is not usually. I had four games on my frontal lobe today. Ohio State/Iowa, Virginia Tech/Georgia Tech, USC/Oregon, and LSU/Tennessee.

I get none of 'em. Not one. Nada. Diddly.

Contractual obligation to the Big 12 forces me to watch Miami slowly - actually "fastly" - humiliate the Colorado Buffaloes 23-3. The Buffaloes do have the best punter/kicker combination in the nation. Mason Crosby kicked a 58-yarder like it was an extra point to avoid the shutout and John Torp punted lights out to avoid a complete blowout by the 'Canes, who are getting good production from frosh QB Kyle Wright while the defense destroys everything in its path.

This game blocked my viewing of Ohio State/Iowa, but it made little difference. The Buckeyes systematically ripped Iowa to shreds 31-6 and it was about that close. Iowa and Oklahoma are the early favorites to appear in this year's "Wha' th' hell?" Bowl. How could any team coached by Kirk Ferentz look this bad?

ABC then denied me Georgia Tech/Virginia Tech by giving me Washington/Notre Dame, the "storyline" of the day as Notre Dame traveled to face last year's dismissed coach, Ty Willingham and his Washington Huskies. Here's a storyline: the once great Washington Huskies are awful. The average grunge band down the block plays with more precision. The ABC Talking Dumbass Show at halftime informed us of the "great arm" on the Husky QB. Doesn't a great arm imply some measure of accuracy? Notre Dame sleepwalked through the first half and then just plain walked over U-Dub in the second. ND 36, Washington 17.

I would like to blame ABC for forcing me to miss a great ACC match-up, but I can't. Snorefest in Seattle merely kept me from watching Virginia Tech beat Georgia Tech like a rented mule. The Hokies were everywhere in a 51-7 laugher and yes, Reggie Ball did play quarterback for Tech. Not that it mattered.

The bright spots in my day were two incredibly exciting Big Ten games on ESPN and ESPN2. Now I desire Big Ten football about like a goat pines for a trombone, but I've got to give the big boys their due. Minnesota upset Purdue in an incredible 42-35 overtime cliffhanger with Laurence Maroney carrying the football 46 times for 217 yards (much to his agent's horror - 46 carries will turn a running back into the New Orleans Saints version of Earl Campbell in a hurry; can we at least get the kid his signing bonus first?). 

The next great moment for the Big Ten came when Penn State came back on Northwestern with a TD in the final minute to keep Joe Pa undefeated. 34-29, Nitts. Penn State apparently signed the two fastest skill position players in the country last year, even if they look slow in the 1950's uniforms. I'm sitting here wondering why Bobby Bowden and Larry Coker didn't have any film on Derrick Williams and Justin King.

Can someone tell me why Florida/Kentucky was the SEC game of the week? That decision might well have cost me LSU/Tennessee. Luckily that brawl will be played Monday night due to Hurricane Rita. Anyhoo, Florida went up 49-7 in an almost perfect first half before winning 49-28 after a silly second-half scrimmage. I've seen better NFL exhibition games.

On to the night games, the best thing I didn't see was USC/Oregon. My viewership didn't matter since I told everyone in this forum exactly what would happen three weeks ago, predicting an easy 42-14 USC victory. Nevertheless, the storyline here was how Oregon was the "big conference challenge for 'SC," conveniently setting aside Oregon's horrendous pass defense in favor of talking up the home field advantage of Autzen Stadium. Oregon did make a game of it early going up 13-0 largely because of an uncharacteristically dumb interception by Matt Leinart in the Duck red zone. Then the Trojans scored the next 45 points and looked like movie stars doing it - that's poetic license, by the way; I didn't actually see it, remember?

South Florida 45, Louisville 14. How does that happen? Please discuss.

Michigan dropped one it will want back 23-20 to Wisconsin. Michigan's season sits on the brink of disaster. Meanwhile Badger tailback Brian Calhoun, who was a very good player at Colorado, is all of a sudden a great one at Wisconsin. Calhoun has run through everything in his path, including 214 total yards against a Wolverine defense that gets worse every time out.

Michigan State, 61(yes 61)-14 winners over Illinois, could send Michigan straight to perdition next weekend. Drew Stanton has performed better than any other QB in the Big Ten.

I watched Georgia's defense maul Mississippi State 14-3 in the first half, then went to do something else. I caught the second half during the 2 am ESPN playback while desperately trying to get C to fall asleep. 23-10, Dawgs.

I really like Alabama. The Tide beat Arkansas 24-13.

UVa beat Duke 38-7, but doesn't everybody?

Texas Tech hammered Indiana State 63-7 and Raider QB Cody Hodges was unfairly maligned for noting pre-game that Tech might score 100 against Larry Bird's old school. Tech could have scored 100; why not tell the truth? Are we so politically correct that Mike Leach has to be guilted into laying off after the 9th TD against a D I-AA school (and not a very good one)?

BC and Clemson faced each other attempting to come back from tough losses to FSU and Miami, respectively. BC prevailed 16-13 in overtime. Clemson has probably decided overtime sucks at this point.

Nawth Klina beat Nawth Klina State 31-24. Is it just me or do the Tar Heels win just enough games for John Bunting to keep his job and lose just enough games for everyone to think he is an idiot?

UTEP remained undefeated by beating New Mexico 21-13 "before a sellout crowd at the Sun Bowl in El Paso." What's next, Vanderbilt goes undefeated?

Well, so far, so good. Vanderbilt 37, Richmond 13.

In the late late show on TBS, Arizona State coasted in with a 42-24 whipping of Oregon State.

Temple proved it is still the worst team in college football with a thrilling come from ahead loss to Western Michigan, 19-16.

Impressive Showing of the Week: Either South Florida or the 50,000 El Pasoans who actually went to see UTEP play

1. USC: Going to Arizona State next week will be a better challenge for the Trojans. USC will win, but we will find out a little more about them.

2. Texas: Took the week off along with seemingly the rest of the Big 12.

3. LSU: Will play Tennessee tonight and I am assuming the Tigers will win, otherwise...

3A. Virginia Tech: What a show against Georgia Tech, the Hokies may be better this year than last.

5. The winner of the Florida/Georgia game: Unless Florida loses to Alabama next weekend, which is a possibility.

6. The Indigenous Peoples of Florida: The 'Noles may not be getting the proper respect for their body of work. Their biggest sin is not being as good as Virginia Tech, near as I can tell.

7. Ohio State now, Miami later: Ohio State probably deserves top five mention and the Buckeyes are the best of the one-loss teams. On the other hand, I am not so sure Miami doesn't have more upside. Every game the Hurricanes play sloppily borders on ugly. What happens when they straighten out the kinks?

9. Michigan State: OK, Spartans, when are you going to blow it this year? Want my guess? Try homecoming against Northwestern.

10. Arizona State, I think: Could be Alabama. Seriously.

The first Harris poll comes out today and I have some pangs of jealousy that Terry Bradshaw gets a ballot and I don't. Better than that, we get LSU and Tennessee in prime time.

Rita has gone her way after pausing to really slam a couple of JTT's favorite folks. My sister Molly's Beaumont took on the west side of Rita and lost. Longtime reader H.J. from Lake Charles, who is B's godmother and might as well be my sister, watched her hometown take on the nastier east side. That's roughly the equivalent of some Emory undergrads strapping on the pads and scrimmaging the Atlanta Falcons just for the hell of it.

I know my sister and her emotional recovery will depend upon a beer, a bible and a good jukebox - not necessarily in that order. H.J.'s recovery partially depends upon the LSU Tigers beating the living crap out of Tennessee tonight. I hate to take sides, but hasn't Louisiana suffered enough?

At 7:00 tonight I'm opening a Dixie. Geaux Tigers.