Written by Adam Jones
Monday, 07 November 2005
Yes, I know it's Tuesday. I've broken the covenant. Instead of penning a column Sunday afternoon I played the "Worst Case Survival Handbook" board game with my brother, my nephew and Z. It's like a really sick version of Trivial Pursuit and even more addictive.
"How do you know if someone is in hypo-glycemic shock?"
"What do you do to preserve a severed limb?"
"If attacked on a public bus by spider monkeys, should you seek the help of a transit cop?"
My team lost because our opponents knew that eating snails with brightly colored shells would lead to certain death.
Then C and I went for a walk. I figured he needed to see the neighborhood and it gave me time to undermine his mom by offering up some subliminal messages on the need for a sport court in the backyard. A playscape gets you nowhere in life, man. What you need is a reliable jumper from 15-18 feet, which, by the way, I don't have anymore. I know this because the next thing I did to avoid writer's block was play pick-up basketball. Pick-up basketball cures all ills: boredom, burnout, heartaches, hangovers, you name it. Of course, it is also a great avoidance strategy. Worked just fine.
It's not that I didn't want to write on Sunday about how impressive Miami was at the point of attack in overwhelming Virginia Tech. Or how astonished - and that's the right word - I was by a 52-14 win by 2-6 Arizona over 8-0 UCLA; this after writing last week that UCLA's defense is better than you think. Uh, no.
I just need a second wind. It's that time of the season.
A second wind will allow me to ponder things like: Can Alabama really go undefeated without scoring any offensive touchdowns? It worked in a 17-0 win over Mississippi State.
Or that USC and Texas are acting like two fourteen year-old boys who can't quit showing off because they like the same girl. Is 62-0 over Baylor really necessary? 37 points in the first twenty minutes against Stanford? ("It was easy for us," Matt Leinart said. "We pretty much did anything we wanted to do.") By the way, if you haven't been paying attention, neither Baylor nor Stanford are "bad" football teams (not Duke or Temple bad, for example).
Save it, guys, Virginia Tech lost.
I need a second wind after staying up Saturday to watch Vanderbilt fall...just...this...short of upsetting Florida in the Swamp. Should Vandy's Jay Cutler be the All-SEC quarterback? Maybe, he was nails right up to the point when his worst throw of the day ended in a game-preserving pick in the second overtime period. The kid can't do everything. Florida 49, Vandy 42.
I need a second wind to contemplate just how Steve Spurrier coaxed six wins out of a really bad (on paper) South Carolina team. Maybe he's not overrated. The Gamecocks punched their ticket to Bowlfest 2005 with a 14-10 decision over Arkansas.
Boston College needs a second wind after losing to Nawth Klina 16-14 as Tar Heel return man Wallace Wright did the old "drop the ball on the ground to sucker the defense and then pick it up and take it 90 yards for the TD" trick to open the scoring.
BC's loss paved the way for Florida State to sneak in the back door of the ACC title game. NC State blocked the front door with a 20-15 upset victory (again) over an FSU team that the Wolfpack had no business beating (again). Actually, it starts not being an upset anymore, doesn't it?
Michigan State's used up their second wind. Did the Spartans really lose to Purdue? Did they really beat Notre Dame?
Speaking of Notre Dame, the Irish abused Tennessee's defense early and took a 21-3 lead. Then Tennessee abused Notre Dame to come back and tie it at 21. Then Notre Dame abused Tennessee's defense late to win 41-21. I've never seen so much abuse. How many of you believe Charlie Weis makes better in-game adjustments than Phil Fulmer? Show of hands, please.
Penn State whipped Wisconsin up one side and down the other in a 35-14 punisher. It might have made impressive showing of the week had Miami's defense not decided to play tetherball with Marcus Vick.
Northwestern did it again. This time the winning TD comes with 42 seconds to spare - boring by Wildcat standards. America's Sweetheart 28, Iowa 27.
Illinois avoided a shutout with a timely safety in a 40-2 loss to Ohio State. The Illini defense held Ted Ginn, Jr. to four catches for 138 yards.
Oregon, down to quarterback number three, aka "Ryan Leaf's little brother" won in gut-check time against Cal, 27-20. The Ducks are 8-1, which will lead to Leaf the Younger asking for a contract renegotiation.
LSU shut out Appalachian State 24-0, which is supposed to be impressive because Appalachian State is really good. That's what I keep reading in the papers anyway. The Tigers go to 'Bama next Saturday. Alabama really is good, on defense anyway.
The SEC Stealth Team clobbered Kentucky 49-27.
Texas Tech pounded Texas A&M's 116th ranked pass defense 56-17. This is the school that Lester Hayes, Aaron Glenn, William Thomas and Ray Mickens played for?
West Virginia blasted UConn 45-13. The Mountaineers' success isn't nearly as important to Va Tech's computer rankings as it used to be.
Ladies and gentlemen, your Mountain West Champions: the TCU Horned Frogs. The Frogs killed Colorado State 33-6.
Colorado took another step toward wrapping up the Big 12 North title by whipping Mizzou 41-12. Get this, Missouri's Brad Smith is now the NCAA's all-time leading rusher among quarterbacks. He did it by carrying 11 times for 16 yards. That's a shame. Of all this guy's highlight reels he basically sets the record in an afternoon of avoiding sacks. He deserves better.
Impressive Showing of the Week: Miami, just edging out Arizona
1. The Juggernaut: Dwayne Jarrett should be a first-team All-American and he might not be because he plays with too many other great players (for example, Steve Smith, the guy on the other side of him who is averaging 19.6 yards per catch on 42 catches). All this and now the defense is getting better. Yikes.
2. The guys who play in the trenches for Texas: Granted he's a great player, but when was the last time anybody even touched Vince Young?
3. The Unfortunate Catastrophic Weather Events: Wow. The defense is Alabama's equal. Unfortunately, without Tyrone Moss, the offense might also be. But for one night anyway: wow.
4. Charlie Weis's Cardiologist: Really. Would anyone take Alabama straight up against Notre Dame? I wouldn't.
5. Joe Paterno's Internist: Maybe Wisconsin was overrated. On the other hand, the Badgers came into the game 8-1 and no one said the offense wasn't explosive. Penn State busted 'em in the chops.
6. Calling Jay Barker: Can Alabama go undefeated without much of an offense? Actually, the Tide has done it before...
7.8. The SEC Tigers: Give LSU the edge over Auburn because of the razor thin head-to-head win. Seriously, I am waiting for the Bayou Bengals to play a complete game.
9. Ohio State if Ted Ginn scores on special teams: The Buckeyes are about 15th if not (Illinois game doesn't count).
10. UGa: ...depending on D.J. Shockley's health.
Closing in are Oregon and Texas Tech who might meet in the Holiday Bowl but should meet in the Bad Uniform Bowl. I thought Oregon's Nike abominations were awful until Tech trotted out the all reds. Yuck.
Could Florida actually be in trouble at South Carolina this weekend? The irony is too sweet.
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