Written by Adam Jones
Tuesday, 06 September 2005

Distractions abound. Do you know how difficult it is to be irreverent when you wake up every day and feel guilty to have running water and electricity? To stay on point, think of what those folks have meant to college football. Marshall Faulk, Brett Favre, Deion Sanders, the Mannings...hundreds of others. The mind reels creating "what would have beens" without the gulf coast contribution to the south's greatest game. Tulane may play lousy football, but count me among those who hope like hell to see them play again. Very soon. You, too, Southern Miss and LSU and a dozen more small colleges none of us have heard of but who strap on the pads just the same every Saturday.

Into this world, Ocho came. Add "sleep deprived" to the guilt and you've got me in really top form for the season opener. We didn't go with Ocho, if you were wondering. We decided he's a Charlie. "C" henceforth. Quick review for those of you just joining the Jonestop ten family: "E" is Mrs. JonesTop Ten, an East Texan (good) and Vanderbilt alum and fan (worthy of your sympathy). "Z" is, in the words of Paul Simon, "my traveling companion of nine-years old. He's a child of my first marriage." "B" is the two year-old with the good jump shot.

Neither hurricane, nor newborn, nor recent look at mortality in the form of my twenty-year high school reunion (at least my hair is still the same color, there's just a lot less of it...) will keep me from my appointed rounds. The rounds started with TCU up 10-3 on JTT #2 Oklahoma. I thought this was dangerous for OU, but I didn't expect them to lose. And I still didn't when Adrian Peterson turned up the heat and bludgeoned TCU for a third-quarter TD drive to knot it at ten. But that was the last Sooner offensive highlight. Maybe for the season. Terrible line play, unreliable receivers and I've seen imperial storm troopers with better aim than the two-headed Sooner quarterback. Heck, other than the third-quarter drive Peterson even looked human his own self.

TCU coach Gary Patterson noted than nine times out of ten Oklahoma would win this game. With all due respect, he's wrong. Maybe seven out of ten, but this was no fluke. TCU whipped OU. While the Sooners had some poorly-timed turnovers, it was also far from TCU's best game. The Horned Frogs are very good and a quick look at Patterson's past record leads one to believe last year's TCU defensive disaster was an anomaly caused by a number of key injuries. As for the Sooners, Stoops troops are indeed re-building and now doing it without excellent defensive ends Larry Birdine, injured prior to the opener, and John Williams, lost for the season in the second half. Your faithful columnist couldn't have been more wrong in his assessment of the Sooner talent level. Or perhaps their attitude. TCU 17, Oklahoma 10.

In other disturbing news, my favorite underachievers, Michigan and Tennessee, paired at number nine in the pre-season top ten, did just enough to pair themselves at number ten (barely) in the JTT, which no doubt means they will retain their ridiculous 3-4 rankings in the AP. Tennessee outlasted UAB 17-10 surviving an awful performance from Erik Ainge and Michigan gave up 411 yards to Northern Illinois before putting the Huskies away 33-17. This just in: the Michigan defense isn't very good. Film at eleven.

One of the favorite parlor games of college football cognoscenti goes like this. What if (insert random highly-ranked eleven-win mid-major program here) had to play a major conference schedule every week? Well, this would happen: Georgia 48, Boise State 13. D.J. Shockley went nuts in his first shot at starter's minutes. Not to take away anything from Boise State, a team, and especially a coach, Dan Hawkins that I like very much, but Georgia, and every other team in the SEC except Vanderbilt, is just bigger faster stronger better. Can it be overcome? Yes, ask TCU. But not to the tune of 11-1 seasons.

Georgia looked great but Ohio State looked even better. The Buckeyes opened the eyes of this Texas fan by drilling Miami, Ohio 34-14 and the two Miami scores came courtesy of garbage time. This was a trap game for the Buckeyes and they absolutely plowed under a respectable opponent.

Iowa looked ready for primetime in a 56-0 thrashing of Ball State. Although the, whatever Ball State's mascot is, were undermanned due to suspensions. Oh, and they also suck even at full strength. What is Ball State? Indians maybe?

Hello Notre Dame. Charlie Weis's offense just ripped Pitt - it's OK to call them "Pitt" again, by the way - 42-21. I didn't see that coming. ND v. Michigan next week might be interesting.

Someone please tell Louisville that Kentucky is a lousy football team. The Cardinals survived 31-24 in a game they led 28-7 at the half.

Wisconsin's estimable pass defense held Omar Jacobs to 458 yards and five TDs in a 56-42 win for the Badgers over Bowling Green.

Florida opened the Urban Meyer era with a 32-14 thumping of Wyoming. Gator fans may have wanted more, but it will take time for this offense to take hold in Gainesville. Speaking of, the other favorite son, Ole Ball Coach, or whatever the hell he is called, led South Carolina to an "only a mother could love it" win over Central Florida. South Carolina's not good, which should not surprise anyone. It won't surprise Georgia next week as the Dawgs will likely tack on some unnecessary touchdowns just for old time's sake.

Georgia Tech shocked Auburn 23-14. Brandon Cox threw four picks for the Tigers. He's not Jason Campbell.

The ACC also posted a win over the Big 12 in Clemson's five field-goal special over Texas A&M, 25-24. Clemson contained Reggie McNeal fairly well. But to be fair, in the first half, he was his own worst enemy.

Marcus Vick is not his brother Michael (despite an absurd Monday column from the Sporting News' Matt Hayes), but he does have some of his poise, proving it in a 20-16 Sunday night win over NC State.

BC beat Brigham Young, 20-3. Could Brigham Young be this bad?

Did Vanderbilt beat Wake Forest? The internet suggests they did. Could someone please research this one?

Arizona State made an unholy mess of Temple 63-16. Bill Cosby blamed his alma mater's lack of personal responsibility and materialistic cultural influences for the defeat then held a town meeting to chide the players in public.

Ty Willingham brought new hope to Washington by promptly losing to Air Force, 20-17. Cal opened the season by crushing Sacramento State but may have lost quarterback Nate Longshore. Man. That's a joke, son.

Oregon's pass defense leaves much to be desired. It did not keep the Ducks from beating Houston, 38-24.

You know all those genius commentators who keep telling you that USC traveling to Autzen Stadium is the season's most dangerous game for the Trojans? Write this down. USC 42, Oregon 14. It might not be that close. Trust me.

As for the nation's top ranked team, they managed to crush Hawaii 63-17 between mai-tais and surf lessons. Texas did the same to Louisiana-Lafayette, 60-3. That doesn't quite seem right, does it?

Want to know how good the Big 12 is? Try Nebraska 25, Maine 7 or Oklahoma State 15, Montana State 10 (ugly) or Kansas 30, Florida Atlantic 19, or, my personal favorite on the disgusto-meter, Kansas State 35, Florida International 21. Florida International? I thought they only played pre-season basketball games, kind of like Athletes in Action or the Washington Generals. Oh, Texas Tech also has Florida International on the schedule. Along with Sam Houston State and Indiana State.

Finally, in the Monday night finale - won't we all be glad when all the games are confined to Saturday? These five day weekends are killers - Florida State somehow pulled off a 10-7 win over Miami. I watched, make that endured, the whole affair. Nothing like great athletes not scoring. FSU's defense is stellar, they really need a QB and Miami's special teams, including Devin Hester, were atrocious. Go figure. Silver lining? Miami's frosh QB Kyle Wright can play. The Hurricanes ain't sunk yet.
 
Impressive Showing of the Week: The Horned Frogs of Texas Christian University

1. USC: The Trojans did everything but mug Don Ho and steal the magic amulet from the Brady Bunch episode on their way out of town.

2. LSU: I'm keeping them here because I am a sentimental fool. I can't imagine the pressure these kids will be under and I predict they will crater. If not, it will be the story of the year in college football.

3. Texas: The Longhorns really are the best-equipped team to knock off USC. I'm still not convinced they will beat Oklahoma as TCU just made the list of "teams that have beaten OU since the last time Texas has" one longer.

4. Ohio State: The Buckeyes crushed the favorite to win the MAC title. Just crushed them. Texas better bring a lunch.

5. Iowa: I think they might be the best team in the Big Ten, but OSU's win was more impressive. Iowa probably beat the worst team in the MAC. Ball State are the Cardinals by the way; I looked it up.

6. Virginia Tech: I'm not sold on Marcus Vick, but he was certainly cool as a cucumber against NC State and that is a serious Wolfpack defense.

7. The Winner of the Georgia/Florida Game: In the preview I noted that, given equal coaching, Florida is better. I didn't realize at the time that D.J. Shockley would all of a sudden become Charlie Ward and I probably was not fair to Mark Richt. Can Georgia sustain the momentum?

8. The Indigenous Peoples of Florida: Get this, the NCAA caves and gives FSU the right to use the Seminole name and mascot although in their decision they note that even if the Seminole Nation of Florida approves of FSU's choice, the name still might cause offense. OK, count me among the offended. What's really offensive is the Florida State passing game, although Miami versus a frosh quarterback may have had something to do with that.

9. Boston College: Really? Oh probably not, but I wasn't particularly surprised that the Eagles shut down BYU.

Barely 10. Tennessee or Michigan: I think both will fold before the season is out.

Louisville better get their act together and TCU could win ten games this season. That's why we watch.

Next week LSU plays their home opener in Tempe against Arizona State, which is not a bad decision under the circumstances. Michigan and Notre Dame may really put on a show and then there's Texas and Ohio State. I need not add to the hype.

Back to Paul Simon, he had reason to believe we all would be received in Graceland. I don't think he was just talking about Elvis's house.

Grace and peace, Big Easy. We look forward to a lot more Sugar Bowls, if you will have us back.

-Adam Jones